We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
