Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
