Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
