I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
