Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
