She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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