Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
