Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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