Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
