after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
