life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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