Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
