My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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