Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
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