he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
did i just pee glitter
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
