I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
