Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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