Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
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We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
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That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize