I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I think people are normalizing furries
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
