I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
