Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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