is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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