can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
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