First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
