I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
