life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
