wat bout pragnant strippers??
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
