You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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