If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Don't EVER smell your tampon
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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