Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
