i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
