So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
