I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
