Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
