Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
time to smoke my breakfast
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Randomize
