I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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