oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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