There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I am naked and annoyed.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
