I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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