After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
