Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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