I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
