and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
