Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
