I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
