Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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