Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
