that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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