brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
