Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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