It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
