Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
