wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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