My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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