in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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