He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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