I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
