She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
