3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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