I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
