He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
