I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
