He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
