Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
