Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
