I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
