im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
