You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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