so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
