watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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